Helping the Ugly Ducklings

BY: Lindsey Rogers

One widely known children’s fairy tale begins with the hatching of several ducklings. All the ducklings seem normal--the right color, the right size, the right “duckness,” and the mother duck is feeling quite content with her lot of ducklings. Until the last one hatches. This one duckling--the last one to hatch--ruins the whole things. Now, rather than having a flock of perfectly cute little ducks, the family is stuck with one large, ugly, sore thumb of a duck to throw the whole thing off. Anderson, the author of the tale, writes the reaction of the family and associates on the farm as follows:

“‘He is too big,’ they all said...[T]he poor little thing did not know where to go, and was quite miserable because he was so ugly and laughed at by the whole farmyard. So it went on from day to day till it got worse and worse. The poor duckling was driven about by everyone; even his brothers and sisters were unkind to him, and would say, ‘Ah, you ugly creature, I wish the cat would get you,’ and his mother said she wished he had never been born. The ducks pecked him, the chickens beat him, and the girl who fed the poultry kicked him with her feet. So at last he ran away, frightening the little birds in the hedge as he flew over the palings.

“‘They are afraid of me because I am ugly,’ he said. So he closed his eyes, and flew still farther, until he came out on a large moor, inhabited by wild ducks. Here he remained the whole night, feeling very tired and sorrowful.”

We all know how the story continues and ultimately, happily ends. It is not the happy ending which I wish to focus on today, however. It is this poor little duckling’s beginning, and the way he was treated by those around him, that will be my focus.

In a set of modern day scriptures, the Doctrine and Covenants, we learn that “the worth of souls is great in the sight of God” (D&C 10:18). We are His most precious asset--His literal spiritual sons and daughters. As Mormons, we are taught that because every person we come in contact with is a son or daughter of God, that they have unlimited potential and infinite worth. Every person is special. Every person is important. Every person is dearly loved by God.

Yet how easy all of this is to forget. When was the last time that, while on your way to work, you contemplated on the fact that the person sitting next to you on the bus is a literal son or daughter of God? Going even further, when was the last time that you treated the person sitting next to you on the bus like a son or daughter of God?

Every single day you and I have the privilege to interact with the offspring of Deity. Seriously. That kid who sat next to you in 10th grade algebra who drove you bonkers--he is a son of God. That girl who made you wait at the desk so that she could finish Facebook messaging her boyfriend before helping you--she is a daughter of God. That kid who came over to play with your kids and was so out of control that he broke the expensive heirloom that your grandmother gave you--he is a son of God. Everyone--those who annoy us, those who uplift us, those who pucker us out, those who make us smile, and even those who hurt us--yes, every one of those people are beloved sons and daughters of God and, and should be treated that way.

But often, they’re not.

From my observation, our world is filled with far too many ugly duck critics and not enough loving swans. Too many ‘ugly ducklings’ walk around, being told--both verbally and by the actions of their associates--that they’re not worth much. They’re told that they’re not smart enough, not popular enough, not talented enough, not pretty enough, not funny enough, just not enough period. In the end, these poor ugly ducklings end up leaving the circles they thought they might have won part in, feeling that their mere existence is not worth enough to merit association, admiration, and love.

We’ve all been in this position before--the ugly duckling’s one. We all know how miserable, lonely, and hopeless it feels. Why, then, do we do this to others? Why do we spend our days, going around tearing those around us down, or feeling content in letting them stay on the lower ground they find themselves on, when we could do so much to lift them up?

There are many reasons why we sometimes--often unconsciously--assume the ‘ugly duckling critic’ syndrome. In some cases, we may feel and act critically towards another because we feel justified in complaining about or pointing out their flaws. Our modern day prophet--President Thomas S. Monson--tells a short story about a woman who looks out her kitchen window every morning and complains about the state of her neighbor's drying laundry. Even though the clothes have supposedly been washed, they always look as if they haven’t touched a lick of soap. To this lady’s embarrassment, however, one day she learns that it is not the neighbor’s laundry that is dirty, but her own kitchen window!

Commenting on the story, President Monson said: “Said the Savior, “Judge not.”  He continued, “Why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?”  (Matthew 7:1-4) Or, to paraphrase, why beholdest thou what you think is dirty laundry at your neighbor’s house but considerest not the soiled window in your own house?”  (See Charity Never Faileth). In essence, President Monson’s point is this: there is so much which we do not know about a person or their situation. Rather than judging them, we need to give others the benefit of the doubt. There is already too much judging and bickering and backbiting in this world; don’t be among those who contribute to it.

In other cases, we don’t put in the effort to lift those around us not because we have anything against them, but because we ourselves feel tired, busy, burdened, and overwhelmed. It would be nice to give that poor ugly duckling a kind comment or two, but it just doesn’t seem to fit into our schedule so someone else will just have to do it for them. In the past when I have adopted this type of perspective, I have always found myself crashing in a downward spiral of self-centered, all-consuming loneliness and void. Things don’t seem to work out, and even when they do, there seems little point to it all.

In Matthew 16:25, the Savior teaches that “whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it.” This counsel is not some petty, ‘only applies to a few’ piece of wisdom. I testify to you from personal experience that the only way to find joy and fulfillment in life is by giving yourself away to others. A life without service is a life that knows no true joy. There is no life too busy to offer at least a smile of encouragement to that poor ugly duckling who is trying to find his way.

Another one of our modern day prophets--President Gordon B. Hinckley--taught:

“I do not care how old you are, how young you are, whatever. You can lift people and help them. Heavens knows there are so very, very, very many people in this world who need help. Oh, so very, very many. Let’s get the cankering, selfish attitude out of our lives and stand a little taller and reach a little higher in the service of others...Stand taller, stand higher, lift those with feeble knees, hold up the arms of those that hang down. Live the gospel of Jesus Christ. Forget yourself” (Stand a Little Taller, 218).

There will always be reasons for why you feel you cannot serve. However, as my mom once told me: If not you, then who? How many ‘I don’t have enough time in my busy schedule to help you’ people walk past an ugly ducking before one of them finally takes the time to stop and say ‘I’ll make the time for you.’ (Sound familiar?) If you and I don’t take the initiative to step up and help out those struggling around us, it might be a very long time before someone else does. I challenge you to not be the person who passes the duckling by. Be the person who slows down and lends a hand.

I testify that as sons and daughters of God, every ugly duckling that you happen upon throughout your life has within them the potential to become a beautiful swan, most of them just don’t realize it. We need to be the ones to help them see what present circumstance and critics don’t allow them to see.

Speaking of the Savior’s life, Mormon leader Bishop Gerald Causse said:

“During His earthly ministry, Jesus was an example of one who went far beyond the simple obligation of hospitality and tolerance. Those who were excluded from society, those who were rejected and considered to be impure by the self-righteous, were given His compassion and respect. They received an equal part of His teachings and ministry” (Ye Are No More Strangers).

I challenge you this week to live as the Savior lived. I challenge you to no longer be among the group who teases and ridicules the world’s ugly ducklings, nor to be part of those who pass them by. Rather, I challenge you to treat them as sons and daughters of God, for they are sons and daughters of God, and they should be treated that way.

Happiness comes from uplifting others, inspiring those around us, and forgetting ourselves in the service of others. Choose the happy way. Choose to love. Choose to give. Choose to look to God, and live (Alma 37:47).

And keep an eye out: you never know when you’re going to be called upon to help an ugly duckling see that they are actually, in fact, a swan.