Tender Mercies

BY: Susan Plessinger

"...The tender mercies of the Lord are over all those whom he hath chosen, because of their faith, to make them mighty even unto the power of deliverance."-1 Nephi 1:20  

                    

Ever since I heard this address by Elder David A. Bednar at the April 2005 General Conference of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, this scripture has passed through my mind often and the tender mercies the Lord has bestowed upon me and my family.  Two events in particular stand out in my life that remind me how very aware the Lord is of me personally.  One is my experience of being lost in Paris France after my passport was stolen in August 1980 and the other when our oldest daughter Claire came down with Bacterial Meningitis in May 1990.

When Claire was 4 we were living in Alpharetta, Georgia.  Kayla was 16 months old and I had just found out I was pregnant again.  Everything seemed to be going wonderful in our lives. As Mother's Day approached I was excited to call and surprise my parents with the news they would be grandparents again AND to discuss the details of my mother and sister Leann's upcoming trip to see me in June!  Leann had served her mission in Atlanta and was returning to tour her mission with mom and see us too.  When I called on Sunday May 13th, mom told me Leann had been rethinking their trip and decided they couldn’t wait 4 weeks to come and felt impressed to change their tickets. I was a little dismayed to learn they were not coming in 4 weeks, but in 3 days! I wasn't ready for them!  All I could think about was everything on the calendar between Sunday and Wednesday. How was I going to fit in cleaning the house and making up beds for them along with everything else?  Little did I know our world was about to turn upside down, with Claire's life hanging in the balance and the tender mercies of the Lord revealed.

On Monday, May 14th I spent the day cleaning the house while Claire was at Pre-school with Jeri Briem and all her friends.  That night for Family Home Evening we were invited over to Mike and Joyce Haynie's home to celebrate a birthday and have cake and ice cream.  On Tuesday I had my first official doctor appointment to confirm my pregnancy and Joyce offered to watch the girls for me.  Claire woke up in the middle of the night complaining that she did not feel good and told me, "Mommy, I don't like cake anymore." I called Joyce the morning of May 15th and told her Claire didn't feel good, but she told me to bring them over anyway and Claire could rest on her couch.  At the doctor's office they confirmed I was in fact truly pregnant and they started me on massive hormones so I wouldn't miscarry again.  I was thrilled!  I was due December 30, 1990.  My husband, Randy, was thrilled--Tax Deduction!!  Life was good!

When I arrived back at the Haynies, Joyce met me at the door with a very concerned look on her face.  She told me Claire had thrown up several times, was very hot with a fever and was pretty lethargic. I thought maybe she had the flu, so I took her home and set her up on the couch where I could monitor her.  All afternoon her fever crept higher and she slept for hours, except when she would cry out and complain her tummy and neck hurt.  Around 4pm I called Joyce back and asked her what she thought of me calling the new doctor she worked for and asking the advice nurse about Claire's fever.  (I had a regular pediatrician, but was very dissatisfied with them because they always treated me like I was an ignorant first time mother and did not know anything about children and when to take them to the doctor or deal with it at home.) Joyce agreed, so I called the office and told them Claire's temperature was 105* and I was very concerned about letting her go through the night like that. I did not even have to touch her to know she was burning up...I could feel the heat radiating off her as I stood near the couch! I also told the nurse Claire was very lethargic and would only open her eyes when I literally shouted at her to wake up.  They told me to come in just to ease my mind (the other office would have told me I was worrying too much).  I called Randy and asked him to come home and as soon as he walked in the door I could see alarm on his face as I carried Claire to the car and left him to deal with Kayla.

At the doctor’s office, I took Claire out of the car and laid her head on my shoulder as I started towards the front door.  Just as I got there Claire vomited all down the back of me and cried, but never opened her eyes.  They directed me to a back room where they gave me a lab coat to change into and to keep Claire away from the other patients.  The minute the doctor came into the room I could see real concern spread over her face as she began to examine Claire.  She gave me a cautious look, but didn't speak at first.

[You have to know here that 2 months previously I had come to her for the first time to have her check out Kayla's eye.  I had been to my other Doctor and they told me it was nothing, Kayla was just fussy and I just needed to give her some extra TLC for the day.  By that afternoon Kayla's eye had swollen to the size of a large egg and she just cried and whimpered as I rocked her.  Nothing would console her....so Joyce had recommended this new doctor in town and got me in to see her that afternoon.  When she examined Kayla she matter-of-factly stated I needed to take her to the ER immediately.  Can't even remember the diagnosis, but it caught me off guard and I broke down and cried as I called Randy.  The doctor was a foreigner and I guess did not know what to do with me and my emotions.  I told her this was normal for me and not to worry, but she thought I was hysterical and needed calming down.]

So back to Claire...Before the doctor could say anything to me I said "Does she have meningitis?" She didn't confirm it, but asked why I would say that.  I told her it was a thought that just came to me.  I was very calm...and I think that's what scared her after witnessing my breakdown 2 months earlier.  She thought I was in shock and was going to go ballistic on her any moment. She asked my permission to give Claire a shot of a strong antibiotic in her leg and then call an ambulance to transport her to Scottish-Rite Children's Hospital north of Atlanta.  I authorized it and called Randy and asked him to meet me there with another priesthood holder so they could give her a priesthood blessing immediately.  I did not know then how I held it together as I drove to the hospital behind the ambulance...but I understand now that it was one of those tender mercies.  I was very anxious in the ER as we waited for someone to come out and talk to us.  I kept telling the nurses I wanted my ‘pastor’ to go in with my husband to bless her, but they told me it had to wait until after her spinal tap. As soon as they finished the men went in and gave Claire a priesthood blessing.  After that I felt a sense of peace.  I knew Claire's life was in the Lord's hands now and I prayed the doctors would know what to do for her.  Shortly thereafter someone came to tell us they had to do a second spinal tap and I cried as I could hear Claire screaming, but wasn’t allowed to go to her.

When they wheeled Claire into the ICU I asked when I could see her.  They told me I wouldn't be allowed in her room because they understood I was pregnant and they did not want to risk my pregnancy.  I sat in the waiting room for a long time and finally rang the buzzer and told the staff I wanted to see my child. Eventually I won. I pleaded, "Who do you think slept with her last night when she complained of birthday cake making her sick?  Who do you think has been with her all day?  Who do you think she threw up all over on the way to see the doctor?  ME! So if there's going to be anything wrong with my unborn child it has already happened."  They let me in. The staff still wanted to limit my time with Claire because of my pregnancy, so that evening Randy stayed at the hospital all night and I went home to be with Kayla.

While I had been with Claire, Randy had the difficult task of calling our families to tell them what had happened, but had little information to share with them other than she did have bacterial meningitis.  Early Wednesday morning, May 16th I woke to the phone ringing.  I panicked a little thinking it was Randy with bad news, but when I answered I could hardly understand the person on the other end.  They were crying.  I finally heard, "is she going to die?" It was Randy's father.  I was shocked. Their relationship was strained, especially since his parents’ divorce, so he was not the person I would have expected to call.  We spoke briefly and I tried to be reassuring saying we had to exercise faith and leave it in the Lord's hands and hope for her full recovery.

When I hung up the phone however, I knelt down by the side of my bed and sobbed as I prayed.  I felt so overwhelmed and wondered what we were going to do.....will Claire be okay....what if she dies....who will watch Kayla so I can go to the hospital... how is Randy going to function at work....how are we going to pay the bills....how are we going to get through this?  As I knelt there a sudden warm, calming feeling washed over me and a very clear thought entered my mind...."your mother is coming today with your sister."  I had forgotten!  Leann had felt prompted to change their trip dates and did, not knowing beforehand why. The very thing I had been dismayed by 3 days earlier turned out to be a huge tender mercy from the Lord! I realized that while I see only a small piece of life’s puzzle, Heavenly Father sees the whole picture and knew exactly what I needed and when.  My favorite scripture spoke to me personally:

"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him and he shall direct thy paths."   Proverbs 3:5-6

Other tender mercies followed:

• My mother and sister arrived!  Knowing they could not do much while we were at the hospital, they took Kayla and whisked her away with them on their tour of Leann’s mission taking my worries about her well-being with them.

• Claire’s first spinal tap was very cloudy and concerning.  Her second spinal tap was clear.  The doctor could not understand it, but I did.  Claire had had a Priesthood Blessing between the two tests and her name had been placed in 5 Temples where prayers were being offered on her behalf and others daily.

• When I thought my ward had forgotten us, I discovered my friend Joyce had directed all calls to her so concerned friends could get updates and we could concentrate on Claire’s recovery.

• Claire’s preschool teacher was also the Stake Primary President.  She arrived at the hospital on Sunday afternoon and taught Claire a primary lesson!  She also presented Claire with small gifts: one to open every day until she came home.  This gave Claire something to look forward to each day and helped divert her attention away from her illness.

• When my mother slipped and innocently told someone I was pregnant, small food baskets began arriving at the hospital with notes of encouragement and reminders to also take care of myself.

• A stronger bond grew between my husband and me as our faith and relationship were tested.

• Our as-yet-unborn daughter Carly arrived perfectly healthy on New Year’s Eve 1990.

 After 23 years, I can still remember exactly how I felt that day as I knelt by my bed and knew Claire would live. It made all the difference in how I handled the next 9 difficult days in the hospital, especially when we were told to prepare ourselves because 3 other children had come in with the same diagnosis and died that week.  I think the doctor and all the nurses treated me with kid gloves because I was so calm. They thought I was in shock and would breakdown any minute, but in reality I was filled with great peace, comfort and assurance from the Lord. I knew Claire would live, I just didn't know yet what we would have to face and overcome or the possible disabilities Claire would endure as a result of the meningitis. Claire did make a full recovery, but as warned by doctors, she did end up with a hearing problem--but only at times...and not to the extent they predicted…hers we called 'teenage selective hearing'!

At 27, Claire has grown to be a lovely, strong, intelligent, righteous woman, daughter, wife and mother of two…and to this day she still hates cake!

To read Elder Bednar's full talk, click HERE.